I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Because I have spoken with tongues of angels, and I have held the hand of the devil, here’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2.

This is one of those songs that, when I first heard it, I dismissed. “Surely,” I thought with all of my high school youth group arrogance, “no one who truly believed in Jesus would ever wish for something else.” I couldn’t fathom someone willingly holding “the hand of the devil.” The song felt too doubtful, too wrong. And I dismissed it as yet another example of how The World didn’t believe The Right Way.

And then I grew up.

I’ve learned what it means to run through the fields after something that resonates with the deepest parts of my soul. I’ve learned how even bad things can be warm when I’m as cold as a stone. I’ve learned that I believe what I’m chasing with all my heart. But I’m not there.

C.S. Lewis described this dissatisfaction. How every experience we have here just… isn’t enough. He concludes by saying we are “made for another world.” So I know where I’m going. I know what I’m looking for.

But I haven’t found it.

On the B-side, because I can’t wait any longer, it’s “When I Look At the World,” also by U2.